How about we… we watch TED talks via Netflix while we drink strong drinks and I talk until you hear my voice in your nightmares.
How about we… check out a band we both like at a place that gives us access to alcohol, thus taking care of awkward silences and awkward soberness in one fell swoop.
I think before you meet me in person you should know:
1. I wear big black glasses but because of my insecurity about wearing big black glasses I purposely pick photo's of myself without them. 2. I had a baby. I do NOT have a perfect body. In fact, sometimes, and I know this sounds really weird for a chick, but think that I might in fact have a few hang ups about my body. I could probably lose 20 lbs and look much better. This depresses me and so I am going to go make a sandwich. 3. My quirky little A.D.D. innuendo's throughout this profile are actually real warning signs, warning you, the reader and possible "contactour" that I do indeed have a manic, long-winded case of A.D.D. and at some points A.D.H.D. This could also be the reason that I sometimes go to take my medication for it and get completely side-tracked by the smell of a dish in my sink. 4. I spent a significant amount of time in a country, one might even say, was raised in one, that may or may not be to the North of America and may or may not be the butt of many jokes in America that I personally think are stupid and un-funny but naturally I would. If I say "About" during our drink or dinner or what have you, please, do not ask me to say it again. You heard it right. Yes. Free healthcare outweighs bad accents I don't know I even have but MUST because this gets really old. 5. If you don't appreciate a woman with a very "loose" moral obligation when it comes to crass taboo's and massive amounts of vulgarity then you probably will never want to ever hang out with me. In real life, I curse like a trucker, not because I don't have an education or extensive vocabulary but because I was raised by a rabid pack of sailors and that is just how it is. I cannot change this, I am not going to change this and with that said, I can only imagine the problems I am going to have when my son starts school. 6. I am the most liberal person in the world. 7. I am also the most honest person in the world so no matter how liberal I am, if you believe in God and not science, don't think Gay people should be able to get married just to enjoy the applicable benefits that come free to every citizen in every other civilized country in the world except for America, or think a race war is inevitable, I will probably judge and hate you. 8. I am completely covered in tattoos so if you think your body is a temple or whatever, you may not like what I have done to my temple walls. 9. I have pretty small boobs. By pretty small I mean extremely small. 10. I will never ever get a boob job. Even if you pay for it. 11. Last but not least, I smoke cigarettes. I want to quit and I hate them. But for some reason I like them and still don't quit. If you don't like cigarettes or wave your hand around acting like you can feel my probably lung cancer in your blood the moment I light one up then move along. I feel shitty about it already.
An awesome place I've visited:
The furthest regions of Netflixes TED Talks, independent, horror and science fiction streaming sections
The movie I've watched the most times:
Eternal Sunshine of A Spotless Mind. Scott Pilgrim. Natural Born Killers and Stranger than Fiction. Scott Pilgrim is a little quirky at times but I know every line of every character and every scene in sequence (and backwards) to these movies.
My life history in 5 sentences or fewer:
I have a boring life history but I can make it sound really really interesting by way of skipping my A.D.D. medication and having a couple drinks. I've been told this can make spectators sea sick.
My first concert / My dream concert:
My first concert was Nirvana. My dream concert would be to go to The Sasquatch festival which is in fact really real and unlike a dream, life get's in the way of me going every year it has been going on.
Obscure knowledge I possess:
All of the knowledge that I have obtained and thought to be useful is obscure so this question a little bit vague. A few examples of subjects I have procured vast amounts of obscure knowledge are Star Trek, marine life, music (and many sub genre obscurities), Mark Twain and Peter Pan quotes, Space (and sub-space areas like black holes and string theory), multiple ShoTime series, independent movies, John Lennon, honey bee's, peppers, Quentin Tarantino, orchids, paint and Bruce Lee.
I have a weakness for guys/girls who:
guys that have a beard. It is a huge weakness and one that seems to have no cure. It's an epidemic. A weird, hipster, homeless, folky epidemic I don't understand but I am knee deep. Not literally of course.
For me, a first date no-no is:
Well, a good rule of thumb is to NOT have sex on the first date if you're into one another. It's going to be a guaranteed let-down. Now, there are exceptions to every rule. I think the most obvious one here is unless you're really really drunk and are guaranteed to NOT remember anything the next day otherwise you're doomed to feel insecure and terrible about it. Now, I have never been so drunk that I have actually been able to forget EVERYTHING and I am not sure if that is because my mistakes are always epic in proportion or I need to learn how to stomach more booze without vomiting but I've asked this question to myself enough times that I am convinced that some sort of date-rape drug has to be introduced into to the equation. Mutually of course.
What I would bring to show and tell:
My little pet son. He is so adorable when he sleeps and I've trained him to sit and roll over. I'm working on the "play dead" trick right now, mainly so I can start taking phone calls again.
A story you should remind me to tell you on our first date:
For your safety, you probably should NOT ask for any stories. I will talk your ear off and it will be like several movies where you act like you have to go to the bathroom and subsequently crawl out some randomly open window that seems to always be there when you need it. Otherwise public restaurants do not ever have windows.
I secretly want to be:
a writer. Shhh.
I want to be with someone who wants to be:
nothing more than he thinks he can be or already knows that he is. Insecurities are a real bummer and have a huge impact on relationships or even when just trying to date someone.
An infatuation of mine:
You would learn quickly that I am all about infatuations but mine are borderline obsessive and are almost always a new band I heard.
If I won the lottery and quit my job, I would:
Buy a house, hire a maid, open a record store (try and hire Jack Black and John Cusack) and write one million books.
One thing my mother would want you to know about me:
Make sure I take my medication before taking me out in public.
I want to come home to:
Ultimately, to my son and a hot babe that I love and that loves me and thinks I am a hot babe. Perhaps a dog If the home had a yard... And then I'd be into making dinner for said son, hot babe and maybe dog. It's the small stuff.