What To Do If You’re In Love With Your Best Friendby Jonathan Alpert on August 06, 2012
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I think I’m in love with my best friend. Seriously, he has everything I look for in a guy: he’s hot, he’s accomplished, we get along great, and we enjoy the same things. My family also loves him and wonders why we aren’t together.
It’s great that you have a friend who is hot, accomplished and with whom you enjoy the same things – but what about other factors that make for a good relationship? E.g. mutual interest in each other, shared values and goals, and of course, both people thinking the other person is hot? Naturally you and your family would wonder why you and this guy aren’t together in a different capacity. Fact is, not every guy who is a good guy or every girl who is a good girl has to be together romantically.
At this point, you have two options: leave things as they are to preserve the friendship or open up to him and see how he feels about you. If you decide to leave things as is can you honestly leave your feelings out of it? If so, then go for it. If your effort though gives way to your attraction, then you owe it to yourself, and him, to be open about your feelings. Be mindful of how he might receive the information: 1) There’s the possibility that he has an interest in you so he’ll feel relieved 2) Perhaps your adoring eyes are a dead giveaway about how you feel and he already knows. 3) He might not have the same feelings and everything could change, so prepare yourself for awkwardness. 4) He might need time to sort through the new information so prepare yourself for a possible separation.
Plus: The 7 Types Of Non-BFs
You must also consider that he might be interested and you may actually pursue a relationship. If you decide to go forward, know that inherent in any relationship is the risk that it doesn’t work out and it could end your great friendship. Are you okay with that possible outcome? A safer approach might be to have a general discussion with him about what he looks for in a potential girlfriend and try to determine if you qualify.
Ultimately, you must decide what’s most important: changing your friendship into a romantic one and risking losing him should things not work out, or keeping quiet and having him remain as your friend.
Plus: Breaking: Men And Women Really Can’t Be Friends, Says Science
Jonathan Alpert is a Manhattan psychotherapist and author. He appears on national TV commenting on sex and relationship issues as well as lifestyle, mental health, and hot-button issues. Get more of Jonathan’s great advice in his new book, Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days. And you can follow Jonathan on Twitter at @JonathanAlpert