This Is What Crazy Sounds Like

Losing a guy in 57 text messages just got way, way funnier.

13 Dr. Seuss Pickup Lines for Your Potential Sneech Muffin

I’ve danced with Thing 1, and held hands with Thing 2. But not a creature in Whoville compares to you.

If Anyone Calls You a “Sissy” for Being Vegan, Here’s Your Comeback

PETA is not only raising awareness, but also providing vegan guys with a badass come back when they get crap for not eating meat.

Wait. THIS Is The Best Break-Up Song Ever

Forget anything else we’ve ever said on the matter.

11 Someecards Valentines for Every Relationship Stage

Your relationship status is what? Yeah, there’s a someecard Valentine for that.

How To Make Your Boyfriend a Romantic Dinner

Thank God it’s almost Valentine’s Day. I mean, it’s not my favorite holiday, but I have been waiting all year to romance my boyfriend using Edith Zimmerman’s phenomenal tips in her hilarious piece, “How To Make Your Husband a Nice Dinner” and Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to do it.

5 Morning-After Escape Routes

You may tell yourself–to quote a song you were probably dancing to last night at 4 AM–“this is not my beautiful house.”

4 Rules for My Fantasy Ex-Boyfriend Island

It’s not that I want to punish my exes. They can be happy! They just can never remind me they exist.

Would You Buy Lucky Charms Condoms?

Reason #4,000 that they need to bring back prizes in cereal boxes.

Sh*t Dentists Say That Sounds Like Pick-Up Lines

“You’ve got a great smile,” he said. “Why thank you!” “Stick your tongue out farther for me.” “Anything for you!” “Would you like me to teach you how to floss?”"Doctor, are you flirting with me?”

5 Things I Learned About Sex from Rap Music

Lucky for us, the collective wisdom of Dead Prez, Ludacris, Soulja Boy and every rapper to ever address the complexity that is sexual intercourse is vast and, well, graphic.

5 Things You Can Tell From His Medicine Cabinet

On the scale of 1 to Home Invasion, a quick survey of your date’s medicine cabinet falls low on the Stalker Spectrum. It’s like the I.R.L. version of scoping his friends of friends list on Facebook–just don’t get caught!

A Drink for Every Stage of Your Relationship

Single and looking to find a date: Whiskey, neat.

Single, and looking to hook up with someone, anyone: Long Island Ice Tea.

First date: A Martini, straight up and dirty.

The 10 Worst Make-Out Songs

If I was over at Joe Cocker’s apartment and he winked at me and said, “hey baby you can leave your hat on,” I would run screaming out the window.

Tattoos for Your Boobs: Fun In An Ironic Way, Or A Mood-Killer?

Ta-Ta-Toos are the perfect way to break the ice with a new guy (“Are you really a Rock Star, or is this just metaphorical?”) or just surprise the bf who’s not accustomed to your breasts displaying the phrase “Bite Me.”

Happy Friday the 13th… How Did These 13 Famous Horror Villains’ Dating Lives End Up?

Sure they walk slow. They can eventually be outwitted. And they harbor a murderous rage deep inside. But horror villains deserve love too.