What You Should See in Theaters This Weekend (& What You Should Save for Karaoke)by Lindsey Weber and Bobby Finger on November 30, 2012
Bobby: Hey Lindsey
Lindsey: Oh hey Bob!
Bobby: How’s it going?
Lindsey: Pretty good, just bought a movie ticket for this weekend. Feeling good about actually seeing a movie.
Bobby: Lemme guess: Silver Linings Playbook?
Lindsey: HOW DID YOU KNOW.
Bobby: I ALSO JUST BOUGHT A MOVIE TICKET FOR SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK!
Lindsey: We’re a week late on this one, but we should chat about it. Don’t you think? I think the WORLD is a week late.
Bobby: Additionally, the other new releases: Killing Them Softly and Universal Soldier!
Lindsey: Ooooh, a Brad Pitt movie that no one’s heard of.
Bobby: Yep! Despite the fact that I keep seeing posters and TV spots for it, I have no idea what it’s about! Nor do I care to learn what it’s about!
Lindsey: Right? Is Brad Pitt losing his Box Office pull power? Or do we not even need to know what the movie is about to be drawn to a Brad Pitt movie? Like you’re at the theater and you’re like “Hmmm, what do I see? This is a Brad Pitt movie? Sure!”
Bobby: I think people will just see movies because of him, yeah. Like Will Smith or Denzel Washington or George Clooney or Julia Roberts. Or Judi Dench. So it’s like “Brad Pitt and a gun? Whatever.” Like how I think “Oh, Judi Dench wearing linen? Sign me up!”
Lindsey: Right, well that’s just you. FYI.
Bobby: That’s fine. I’m comfortable with myself.
Lindsey: I’m comfortable with you!
Bobby: Honestly though, no clue what it’s about. But it looks violent! Doesn’t seem like a good date movie?
Lindsey: Sure doesn’t. It also has a weird name that reminds me of the song and then I get distracted by how good that song is. I think singing “Killing Me Softly” as a duet in karaoke is a better date idea, to be honest.
Bobby: You and your date can argue about who gets to go “one time one time.”
Lindsey: Right? Perfection.
Bobby: OK, what else. Universal Soldier? Also violent, but could be absurd enough for a fun date.
Lindsey: If your date is a action film fan and you both wanna laugh laugh laugh together, sure?
Bobby: I actually read a positive review on Vulture this morning. Would YOU take a date to Universal Soldier? Do YOU find JCVD attractive?
Lindsey: No, no.
Bobby: OK. Yeah. Same, same. So. On to the next one: SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK!
Lindsey: So, we both admittedly haven’t seen it, but I think the buzz surrounding this one is forcing us to spend $12 to see it a week later. And that’s impressive.
Bobby: Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence are a cute, weird, odd couple. I’d go so far as to pay for my date without expecting a large soda in return.
Lindsey: Woah there, Bob. Is it romantic?
Bobby: I think so!
Lindsey: Are we missing anything? I’m worried that we’re assuming something. Missing some horrible not-sexy moment.
Bobby: It must be romantic. Just look at the trailer. DON’T DOUBT SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK, LINDSEY. THE COUNTRY LOVES SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK.
Lindsey: I trust my country!
Bobby: SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK IS THE MOVIE TO SEE. THE PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT IT.
Lindsey: If you and your date are True Americans, See Silver Linings Playbook. Is that the angle we’re taking here?
Bobby: I think we’d be doing a disservice to our country (especially our newly re-elected president) if we DIDN’T choose Silver Linings Playbook as the date movie of the week. I just hope I figure out what a Silver Linings Playbook even is and I hope I don’t hate myself after finally deciding that I LIKE Bradley Cooper.
Lindsey: Oh man, I hope it’s not about sports. Oh! If your date likes sports and you don’t you can go and then they can EXPLAIN them to you. Cool angle, Linds. (Why is Lindsey still single? they all wonder.)
Bobby: While leaving the theater and passing the line for the next showing: “I didn’t see a SINGLE silver linings playbook in that movie.”
Lindsey: Bob, how do you play Silver Linings? What are the main plays?
Bobby: Fall in love with Bradley Cooper, and then nominate Jennifer Lawrence for Best Actress. I think those are the only plays.
Lindsey: Sounds like a pretty simple playbook. I’m in! Sports!
Bobby: OK my next play is signing off. Bye.
Lindsey: See you at the movies! GOAL!