Last night I was watching a Law & Order rerun. The judge ruled that the police had conducted an illegal search, and thus the evidence thereby recovered was inadmissible against the man whose property was searched. The defense attorney representing another man objected to the use of this evidence at the trial of his client, sputtering out, “But it’s inadmissible.” Without missing a beat, I gleefully chimed in, “Not against your client!” I happened to say these words at the exact same time as prosecutor Ben Stone.

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Had anyone else been around, I am not sure if I would have been embarrassed or proud. That’s pretty much how it is to be a lawyer navigating the non-legal world: constant vacillation between shame and pride. We like to think that our knowledge of legal niceties and nuances makes us invaluable assets to our friends, but we also suspect that we are boring them at cocktail parties, or worse, alienating them with our insistence on taking up and arguing obscure points and correcting the guests.

I imagine it’s pretty similar when you’re dating a lawyer. On the one hand, you’ve got access to someone who can hopefully provide helpful advice in that burgeoning dispute with your landlord. On the other hand, you are regularly subjected to interrogation about matters ranging from just exactly how pretty you consider the supermarket checkout girl to whether you were the one who put the empty milk carton back in the fridge.

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Here’s why the scale tips in favor of dating a lawyer:

Your lawyer boyfriend/girlfriend will be a good fallback when you’re trying to sound like you know what you’re talking about, i.e., “My boyfriend the LAWYER says it is TRUE that Katie Holmes hates the name Suri and is going to change it as soon as her divorce is finalized.”

Your lawyer boyfriend/girlfriend will teach you valuable arguing skills for getting yourself out of jams, i.e., if Katie Holmes fails to change Suri’s name to Scout following her divorce, you will know to say “Any reasonable person would realize I meant she would be changing Suri’s last name, not her first name.” The “reasonable person” standard is textbook tort law and can be used any time the actual facts screw you over. You’re welcome. (If Katie Holmes doesn’t change Suri’s first OR last name, however, you’re on your own.)

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Whether or not your lawyer boyfriend/girlfriend makes a lot of money, your parents will THINK he/she does and be proud of you for using your wiles to snag a good catch.

Believe it or not, lawyers annoy each other just as much as they annoy the general populace. Therefore, lawyers have determined that every event at which two or more lawyers are likely to be present must be accompanied by an open bar. Enjoy the free booze coming your way when you decide to date a lawyer.

Your lawyer boyfriend/girlfriend will help you if you get sued. I rest my case.

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