Listen, we have all done some regrettable things in college, and if Amber Estes’ piece about how to nab a husband in The University of Georgia’s Red And Black (her school paper), is serious, it might be hers. To summarize:

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Step 1: Attend the University of Georgia. (Big check mark for Amber!) “Not only are we academically prestigious, we also have the finest selection of men the South has to offer.”

Step 2: Socialize in the right places, looking hot. “Spend your free time casually moseying around the law school, Ag Hill or Terry. This is where you’ll find the most ambitious guys, which directly correlates to how well they’ll be able to provide for you and your future mini Mr. Perfects.”

Step 3: Instagram everything. “Also, make sure you take pictures with your pretty friends, but not ones that are prettier than you. That way the boys know you don’t hang around with uggos, but it’s also crystal clear that you’re the queen of the pack.”

Step 4: On your first date, STAY CLASSY. “A man won’t get down on one knee for a woman who is overly willing to get down on both of hers.”

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Step 5: Once you have him, put him on “lockdown”. “Playing coy was fun, but coy does not a trophy wife make. Bake for his frat brothers, encourage him to do well on his tests, and impress his momma like it’s the last round of recruitment.”

Step 6: Umm, admire your Tiffany ring? “Step number six is to simply say yes. Voila, congratulations future Mrs. Dr. Perfect.”

Now I am not sure if she’s kidding — she might be. The reason I’m not laughing is that it’s a little too close to be true to be funny. I knew girls that thought like this, although I don’t think they would have written an article about it for the school paper. So is it a joke, or no?

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But who am I to judge? I had very little relationship success in college. So my advice (socially ostracize yourself and go out with the Townies) is probably equally terrible.

[Red and Black]

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