Back before my husband and I had kids (also known as The Decade Of Optional Coffee), we fought more. Not in a way that involved screaming or plate-throwing or attorneys, but every few weeks, we’d have some sort of disagreement that ended in eye-rolling and sighing and maybe watching television in separate rooms. I don’t quite remember the specifics of these arguments, but here are a few of the things I think I felt were worthy of discussion, pre-kids:

  • Shoes That I Keep Tripping Over

  • Trim Paint

  • Why Is This Oatmeal Bowl Not Rinsed?

  • We Never Watch That Show I Like

  • You Know I’m Tired Of Sushi Would It Kill You To Sometimes Have Chinese?

  • A Gift Card Is Not A Real Gift

  • How To Scrape Frost From A Windshield

  • Looks Who’s 10 Minutes Late

  • Why Do You Always Put The Potholders In The Tupperware Drawer?

  • Tupperware Drawers

  • Reincarnation

  • Sodium Intake

  • Team Jolie

  • Team Aniston

  • Pulp Fiction?!?!?! AGAIN?!?!?! You must have this thing memorized by now!!

These days, that list looks less like things worth bickering about and more like Bravo’s fall lineup. I don’t know if it’s the passage of time (almost 7 years of dating and 10 years of marriage), fatigue (see: children), maturity (see: crows feet), or wisdom (I no longer do “the worm” at weddings), but we’ve pretty much kicked quarreling to the curb.

Plus: 10 Easy Ways to Make Sure You Won’t Split Up

Some people might call this resignation, but I call it a relief. Particularly since I was more of the instigator all along. I guess there was a time when I thought disputing was constructive, that if we (more specifically: I) aired our grievances we were ultimately evolving as a couple. But this sort of thinking now seems counter-productive.

Last summer, in my tiny garden, I realized that if I weeded too often, I ended up pulling up things that weren’t really weeds. Baby cockscomb looks a whole lot like baby clover. Baby tomatoes look a whole lot like baby ragweed. And I soon learned that if you over-garden, come harvest time, you’re not going to have much to enjoy. The same can probably be said for relationships. You can choose to point out every thistle (unflushed toilet), but you might just end up with a nice square of mulch (sleeping alone).

I guess there was a time when I thought disputing was constructive, that if we aired our grievances we were ultimately evolving as a couple.

Not arguing feels great. Kids and work and the things these things demand seem to have made my husband and me just happy to be together outside of kids and work. Chinese? Sushi? Saltines in a child-free back alley? Sign me up! Potholders in a Tupperware drawer? I’m just grateful you’re putting the potholders away! A gift card that isn’t for Toys R Us? You, my betrothed, are a man of unspeakable romance.

Plus: Why You’ll Be Happier If You Let Each Other Off the Hook for Things You Hate Doing

Don’t get me wrong. Some people love to fight. There are some couples who thrive on heated debates and yelling matches and slamming doors, and to them I say, go for it. (And congratulations. You obviously have gotten more sleep than I.)

But for me? There are only about four things I can imagine getting really pissed about anymore. And they are: prostitutes, the incorrect usage of “your” and “you’re,” pouring out my coffee before I’m done with it, and Pulp Fiction. I mean, seriously. Enough already with the PULP FICTION!

Plus: I Did It All for the Nook-y: How An E-reader Saved My Relationship 

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