A few weeks ago, I wrote about women who regularly consult psychics about their love lives. (My co-worker swears by it.) I myself am I total skeptic when it comes to the supernatural: I can’t see how a deck of cards can point to the future any more than a Magic 8 Ball can.

But if anything belies logic and common sense, it’s love, right?  So, on Friday morning, I found myself on the phone with Daphne, a matronly-sounding psychic from HollywoodPsychics.com, who launched right into the reading.

“Do you want to know about your work life, your love life, your family life –”

“Love life,” I interrupted.

“Does he have a name?” She asked me, pointedly.

I told her he didn’t.

“So, you’re single?”

“Uh-huh!” I said, trying to keep my voice neutral.

“Alright, let’s see what’s in the cards.”

I held my breath for a moment, despite my skepticism: here was a woman who supposedly was able to see the future, who could tell me whether I’m meant to go through this life two by two or on my own, who would rekindle my faith in everlasting love –

“Well, the first thing I see is that you’re going to have some legal troubles in the next few months.”

“What??”

“Yeah. Front and center, legal issues. They’ll be resolved in your favor, but it might get messy.”

Great. Awesome. Just what I want to hear from a psychic in a 30-minute session about my love life.

But soon, Daphne moved on to the good stuff.

“Why don’t you have somebody? You aren’t connecting to the right guy. I feel like a lot of men want to ask you out but they’re not the men you want.”

I…..am not so sure that’s the case, but, flattering!

“I see you meeting someone in August. I hope you like energetic men cause he is coming up as extremely energetic and athletic. Do you like the beach? [Note: Not particularly.] He likes water sports.  I think he’s cute or handsome, very boyish, youthful look. He’s his own person, he’s not a conformist. Longish hair. Walks to the beat of his own drummer. Responsible, keeps his life in balance. Doesn’t let the job dominate his life. Hair is light to medium brown hair. I feel like you’re going to meet him through friends and someone is going to introduce you, or you’ll be at event where he will introduce himself. Mid-august.”

Whoa. Daphne went from saying something vague about future legal troubles, to giving a very, very precise description of a guy I’m supposedly supposed to meet very, very soon. I always expected psychics to very vague, because, well, it seems like she’s leaving herself open for a pretty big margin of error?

The guy she described doesn’t at all sound like the type of guy I’d normally go for: a water-skiing non-conformist with longish hair is different from the East Coast intellectual I consider to be my “type”. But I know as well as anyone that opposites attract, and maybe it would be good for me to branch out a bit.

“I hope you don’t mind that he may be a little on the short side?” Daphne asked me.

“Definitely not.” I told her. (I’m 5’2″.)

After that, Daphne went on to read the cards that pertained to other aspects of my life: money, career, family, a move coming up.

“Oh, ok, here’s the pregnancy card,” she said at one point, giving me a heart attack. “Looks like you’ll be attending a baby shower soon, but not your own.” (Heads up to all my female friends!)

“Definitely see marriage for you,” she continued. “At least three kids. At LEAST. I’m actually seeing more of three, and the man you marry may have children of his own.”

Oh my god, I knew I’d be a second wife!

Daphne ended up the session by reading a few cards about my personality.

“Temperence card. People come to you for advice and you are able to give advice to these people. You kind of know what people need to get through a situation. your relationship comes up as very balanced. You’re not the kind of person to fight. You have a good way of getting your way across without seeming demanding.”

I actually don’t think I know how to get my way without seeming demanding, but I’m happy to come across as so even-keeled on the phone.

So, maybe some of what Daphne said wasn’t exactly on the mark for me. Maybe seeing a psychic in person gets you a better read? Still, I gotta say, it was definitely amusing to sip my morning coffee while listening to a stranger go on and on about how balanced I am, and how I’m going to meet an unlikely surfer-dude who’s going to sweep me of my feet within the next three months

Before hanging up, Daphne gave me one final bit of wisdom:

“Maybe you should take up water color.”

Ok, Daphne. Whatever you say.

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