“I Love My Future Wife, But I’m Attracted to Someone Else. What Should I Do?”by Anna Pulley at RedEye Chicago on January 03, 2013
“I am confused. I am engaged to a beautiful woman and we are set to have a destination wedding this upcoming spring. We have been through thick and thin together and have stuck by each other’s side for the past 7 years. About 2 weeks ago, I met a woman at a bar and the attraction and chemistry was immediate. We ended up kissing that night and we have kept in touch everyday through texts and phone calls, most of them very explicit. We want to have sex together even though she knows about my fiancé and she swears we would only do it to overcome our extreme physical attraction to each other.
I have cheated in the past without my fiancé ever finding out, the last time being about 18 months ago. After the last woman, I swore it was the last time I did that to my fiancé, but when I talk and text with this new woman, she brings out a sexual side in me that my fiancé USED to bring out in the beginning of our relationship. What should I do? I love my future wife very much, but have never felt guilt about any of the things I have done…until now. What should I do?”
-Confused to the max
It sounds like you want me to give you permission to cheat on your soon-to-be wife. All the classics are there: It’ll just be this one last time! We can’t NOT bone each other because the attraction is like—whoa! If only sex with my fiancé was as hot as it was in the beginning!
Come on, dude. You’re not 12. You know these are the most sack-less excuses for infidelity ever. Especially that last one, which not only seeks to justify your behavior, but also attempts to put the blame on your fiancé, which is total bullshit.
You’re not confused. What are you gonna do? Leave your fiancé because you’re drunk on a two-week sext and Oxytocin cocktail? Let me tell you something. There’s always going to be some girl at the bar. You’re always going to be attracted to other people. Getting married doesn’t stop that. What matters is what you do about it, which, if you have some integrity, is nothing. If you and your fiancé have approached your relationship with a preconceived set of rules you don’t believe in or want to follow (i.e. exclusivity), then you’re going to run into this problem again and again. Pretty soon though, you won’t just be a cheating asshole. You’ll be a full-on adulterer. When she finds out, which she will eventually, you’ll probably have kids at that point and a second mortgage that you’ll have to take out to pay for the reeeeally expensive divorce attorney.