Justin Halpern, the author of “Shit My Dad Says,” has a new book out: “I Suck At Girls,” a novel about, well, sucking at girls.  Ask Men has published an excerpt, and it’s pretty funny.

In the brief excerpt (of an excerpt) below, Justin has just gotten off the phone with his ex-girlfriend, Amanda, who wants to meet him for lunch. So he goes and asks his dad (the “Shit My Dad Says” dad, of course) what he should do.

 “You’re not fucking perfect,” he said as he swiveled his chair away from me and back to his desk where he was writing.

“What? I didn’t say anything about being perfect. I just wanted to know what you thought,” I said, shifting my weight from foot to foot in his doorway.

He swiveled back toward me. “That’s what I think. I think you’re not perfect.”

I explained to him as patiently as I could that I had absolutely no idea what question he was answering, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t the one I asked.

“Human beings do dumb shit. You do dumb shit. She does dumb shit. Everyone does dumb shit. Then, every once in a while, we have a moment where we don’t do dumb shit, and then we throw a goddamned parade and we forget all the dumb shit we did. So what I’m saying to you is, don’t do something, or not do something, to punish someone because you think they did something dumb. Do what you want to do, because it’s what you want to do. Also, bring me a grapefruit from the kitchen and some salt and pepper.”

Ha! But also, good dating advice, right?

Read the full excerpt over at AskMen.

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