How to Play It Cool Without Coming Off As A Bitch

Let me just say that I categorically don’t believe in playing it cool. What is wrong with letting someone you know you like them? As if liking someone is some big, repulsive secret you have to keep to yourself at all costs. Please! Playing it cool is basically why we are the mumblecore generation, why our romantic exchanges consist of “hey what are you up 2″ on GChat.

That having been said, I do understand that it’s hard to be the only one not playing it cool in a world where people’s romantic impulses tend to be a little..tempered.

The tricky part of trying to play it cool when you’re secretly hot for someone is that it’s way too easy to go to the opposite extreme. You’re so aware of your attraction for someone that you feel everyone else must be, too, so you tone it down: way, way, down. Suddenly, you’re avoiding eye contact, you’re giving curt replies, and you’re probably coming off as a bit…mean. And definitely not interested.

So how do you play it cool without A) engaging in game playing, and B) without accidentally coming off as a cold, disinterested bitch?

Read on, my friends.

Uhm, Say Hi to Them?

Pretending like you don’t see your crush because you’re so immersed in the fascinating conversation you’re having with whoever else just makes you seem…myopic? Self-involved? You don’t have to bound over to your crush the second they enter a room. You don’t even have to leave your current conversation! But eye contact and an acknowledging smile can go a long way into making you seem cool/friendly/not psychotic.

Don’t Immediately Follow Them on Social Media — But Do Follow Them Back

Meeting someone at a party and then instantly friending them on Facebook, and following them on Twitter,Tumblr and Instagram, is not what we in the dating sphere would call “playing it cool.”

However: if they follow or friend you, follow/friend them back! You’re reciprocating interest, there. Not friending them — or making them wait a long time until you do — is silly.

Don’t Talk About Other Guys

Talking about other guys to your crush to make it seem like you’re in super high demand never works. All that does is make them think, “Hmm, she gets a lot of action. And loves talking about it.” And then they move on to someone who seems a little more interested/available.

Touch Them In Non-Sexual Places

How handsy would you get with someone you liked, but weren’t sexually interested in? Nothing too crazy, probably, but you wouldn’t think twice about a hug or a hand on the arm to emphasize a point. Act the same way towards your crush! Don’t eschew all physical contact – but if you want to play it cool, keep it friendly.

Don’t Be, Like, MEAN to Them.

An unfortunate side-effect of trying to play it cool with someone you secretly think is near-perfect is that you overcompensate by being a little…mean. You imagine yourself teasing them in a flirty, wink-ing sort of way, but often, in execution, it just comes off as a little too sharp. Teasing is only safe when you’re really comfortable with someone. Until you get to that point, play it safe and just be nice.

You Don’t Have to Reply Right Away, But Do Reply

Ok, so you don’t want to make it seem like you’ve been going about your day with your phone in-hand, just waiting for a text. Understandable. But when someone sends you an email or text message, or calls you, there’s a point where you can no longer plausibly not have looked at your phone yet. You’re busy at work and want to wait til the end of the day? Fine. You’re out with friends and will respond the next morning? Ok. You’re out of town and will call when you’re back? Sure. Just know that after 12 hours, your crush is just going to think you’re pretty disinterested.

Filed Under: