Thank God it’s almost Valentine’s Day. I mean, it’s not my favorite holiday, but I have been waiting all year to romance my boyfriend using Edith Zimmerman’s phenomenal tips in her hilarious piece, “How To Make Your Husband a Nice Dinner” and Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to do it.

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A few tips to entice you to read the whole thing:

4. Pour yourself a third glass of wine, except pour this one into a new glass and set it aside–it’ll make you feel like there’s someone else in the room you’ve been talking with.

7. Turn on the oven to your favorite degree. I like to use numbers that end in 00 because it looks like two googly eyes.

9. This part’s optional, but blow onto the window glass and quickly draw a penis and two balls in the breath circle. Very funny, you.

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14. Here he comes! I like to hide in the closet among the coats before he walks through the door, so that once he’s in the hallway I can jump out and pretend I’m a haunted jacket.

But really. Read the whole thing.

 

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