Fake It ‘Til You Make It: Good Idea, Bad Idea?by Nikki Metzgar on August 06, 2012
Editor’s note: In case you missed them, catch up on Nikki’s previous Dating Diaries posts here.
Here is some dating advice that my friend gave me last night: Fake it ‘til you make it. I can’t decide if I think it’s good guidance or not.
I had a first date last night, my first in a while, and I wasn’t really that excited about it. The guy is my coworker’s brother, and I met him at a get-together last week. He was really nice and polite and walked me to my car at the end of the night to make sure I was safe. He’s got a good job as an architect and I hear he’s funny, but he’s also shy so I haven’t really seen his personality.
Going into the date, I already had the suspicion that I wouldn’t be that into it, but of course that’s a bad attitude to have with something new. So, I faked it. I made an effort to look pretty and psyched myself into thinking I might really like him.
I didn’t really feel one way or another about him by the end of a couple beers. We started running out of things to say. Outside of work, he doesn’t have too many hobbies, which I understand because being an employed adult is hard. He’s really close to his family and seems to be a loving person. That’s the kind of man that would probably be good for me.
I have a habit of dating men that don’t want to get too emotionally intimate, for whatever reason. And I’m starting to think that I’m attracted to strange things. My Twitter crush (What? I’m single and I work a lot! I know it’s pathetic.) is always saying explicit things about masturbation. I find it funny? It’s bold and brazen. And I think Katy Perry is also into these qualities, which explains Russell Brand and John Mayer. But I don’t want to end up like Katy Perry.
The night I met my date, his friend was there too. The friend was quieter and has a beard and works at an animal feed store. He doesn’t own a car, but did ignore me for the adorable dog in the room. Naturally, I was more attracted to him than his career-oriented, well-mannered friend.
But in my best interests, I went on the date. I’m sick of dedicating myself to guys who just don’t care that much. I’m contemplating seeing him again, too, because maybe if we spend more time together, his endearing qualities will start to show. How long does it take to get to know someone anyway? How long would you give yourself to fake it before you give up on making it?
I hate the idea of settling for someone just because he’s kind to me. I don’t want to date a nice guy just to “avenge” my past bad boyfriends. But if I really do date the wrong men, maybe it’s time I do something about it. And maybe I’ll have to fake it for a while.
No matter what happens, I am proud of myself for going on the date. For the first time in a long while, I’m actually excited to be back on the market. Now, if only the market would be as excited to see me.