“Is This Weird? I Ask Men How I Compare…Down There”by Jonathan Alpert on June 04, 2012
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“I’ve been dating this girl and whenever we get intimate, it’s difficult for me to get over her unpleasant, even foul scent when we engage in oral sex. Is an unpleasant scent normal? Is there any way to approach this sensitive issue in a way where I won’t embarrass or offend her?”
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I’m a psychotherapist, not a gynecologist, but, common sense tells me that if something smells foul then something is off and not quite normal. I once purchased a pound of salmon from the grocery and it smelled so foul I had to bring it back for a new piece. It was pretty straight forward and not awkward at all. Vaginas, though, are quite different. They can’t be easily exchanged for a new one and there are feelings and emotions attached to them. Start with the easy approach first such as taking a romantic bath or shower together. See if that improves things. If not then approach the conversation with sensitivity. Know that she might not be aware of the unpleasant odor. And that there might be a medical explanation for the scent that can be easily remedied, i.e. an infection treated by medication. Tell her you notice an unusual (not foul) scent and ask her to go to her doctor just to make sure everything is okay.
“I have a tendency to ask my partners how my vagina compares to what they’ve seen and question them if it looks normal or nice. Is this normal behavior?”
No. Enter any sexual situation feeling self-assured and know that you have a spectacular vagina. Private parts come in all shapes and sizes and no two look the same. How would you feel if a guy asked you how his penis compares to others that you’ve seen? My guess is it would make you feel a bit awkward and make him seem rather insecure. Not a very good start to a sexual encounter. Get naked with confidence!
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Jonathan Alpert is a Manhattan psychotherapist and author. He appears on national TV commenting on sex and relationship issues as well as lifestyle, mental health, and hot-button issues. Get more of Jonathan’s great advice in his new book, Be Fearless: Change Your Life in 28 Days, on sale April 24th wherever books are sold. Follow Jonathan on Twitter at @JonathanAlpert