You might remember Serria Tawan from her stint as Playboy’s Miss November 2002. Now the former playmate is in her 30s, recently married, and ready to dish up some love advice. She says, “I want you to win and I’m going to give it to you straight.” Read more from her at serriasays.com, and her Date Report column Dating Advice From A Playboy Bunny.

Dear Serria,

I find that I either intimidate men or drive them away with being very forward. I don’t want to continue being the dominant figure, nor do I want to come off as a helpless sap. I meet plenty of guys but can’t seem to keep them. Do you have any advice as to how I can find a middle ground? 

Plus: 5 Ways To Get Him Interested In You, Guaranteed

Women are now in the place where we have two faces. In the professional world, we need to be assertive, direct, and produce results, but in the social world, it often helps to act like a lady to attract and keep a man.

So how do you do both while staying authentic to yourself?

I don’t think you need to be a sap, but I do think you need to strip down some of the toughness you have learned in the business world and be totally natural. Think about when you were a little girl and you had a crush on a boy. You would blush, compliment him, flirt (kids are the best flirts!) and just be sweet. You weren’t a sap! You were sugary and spicy!

But sometimes life happens to those little girls and it’s easy to become jaded. These girls have new names like Alpha Women, Bitches, or Lady Men. None of these names are complimentary or positive.

Plus: How To Kick Out Your Inner Shy

It’s not false or fake to be a vulnerable girl, it’s the real true you; everything else is a result of protection, abuse and learned behavior.

Also, please do me a favor and unlearn the word intimidation in relation to dating because it doesn’t exist. Women do not intimidate men. Sometimes men aren’t interested — it’s that simple.

It sounds like you have a problem connecting with guys. I am going to give you some tools to help, and by the way — connecting does not involve sex. It can, but it doesn’t have to.

You need to soften up. If your voice is harsh, soften it up. Being hard is learned behavior, being soft is natural. I mastered it from Playmates, to be honest. Don’t lead the conversation, let it flow and be okay with silence on dates. It’s not bad.

Plus: Why Splitting The Check Just Doesn’t Work

The Bunny Tail (The bottom line, what you should do next):

I’d like you to play a game called 30 Second Compliment. Whenever you have a moment of silence that is more than 30 seconds, give your date a compliment.

Guess what you are doing?

You are making him like you. He will open up more and feel more at ease. It’s really, really simple.

Flirt and be coy, not in your face. Make the guy feel good to be around you and that will keep him around.

Comments are welcome and you please check out www.serriasays.com and follow Serria on twitter @serriasays.

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