10 Activities That Will Get You and Your Partner in Bedby Steph Auteri on March 08, 2013
Stop me if you’ve heard this one. You’re hanging with your partner on the couch or in bed when slowly, imperceptibly, he starts inching toward you. You feel a light caress on your forearm. His finger touches yours. Then, after maybe 30 seconds of gentle stroking, he makes a grab for your boob and starts humping your leg.
When you put on the brakes and inform him you’re not in the mood — at least not yet — he’s all: What? What do you mean your ladyparts aren’t desperately aching for me after that skillful bit of foreplay!? Meanwhile, you’re sitting there wishing that you lived in an alternate universe where men really knew how to woo a woman.
Here’s the thing: it’s not his fault. It’s just that the arousal cycle for women is so different from the arousal cycle for men. We need some extra attention. We need foreplay that lasts all day.
I can’t necessarily guarantee that the following dates will lead to sex, but they are more likely to put you in the mood.
1. Splurge on a couples massage. One of those deals where you get to lay next to each other, sipping sparkling rosé, and hearing each other’s soft sighs and moans of pleasure. Then, with your bodies still tingling, rush home for the happy ending. Money-Saving Tip: Give each other erotic massages at home. Use this as an opportunity to learn more about your partner’s less-obvious erogenous zones.
2. Take a partner yoga class together. Not all partner yoga classes are couples-only but, when you do take the time to stretch together, to breathe together, to support each other in complex poses, a level of intimacy arises that may be conducive to getting flexible in the bedroom later on. Tip for Taking It to the Next Level: Try a Tantric yoga workshop, which focuses even more on fostering intimacy between partners.
3. Go out dancing. Or, if you’re not already well-versed in the art of salsa or the tango, take a class together. Much like partner yoga, getting in sync on the dance floor, gazing into each other’s eyes as you move about the room cradled in his arms, can heighten intimacy. Not only that but the act of dancing can cause a rush of endorphins… that feel-good chemical that often boosts libido. The first time I returned home from a salsa class with my husband, he started whisking me around our kitchen and propositioning me in a ridiculous-sounding accent. Giggling and shimmying, we eventually salsa’d right into the bedroom.
4. Make a meal of it. The jury’s still out on whether certain foods can really act as aphrodisiacs, but I’m going to suggest this anyway. After all, many foods described as aphrodisiacs have health benefits, which means your sexual health benefits, too. Also, cooking together is always a great way to bond as a couple. Some suggestions: Oysters contain zinc, which has been linked to male fertility, potency, and sex drive. Asparagus contain folates, which boost the histamine production necessary for the ability to reach orgasm. Most spices can raise your heart rate, and release endorphins. Champagne replicates the aroma of a woman’s pheromones, and its effervescence helps it hit the bloodstream more quickly. Finally, eating dark chocolate causes a release of phenylethylamine, leading to feelings of excitement that are conducive to sexy time.
5. Have a movie night. And no, I’m talking about porn (though you can feel free to watch that together, too). Rather, watch a mainstream movie that’s high in sensuality and filled with scenes that make you squirm in your seat. Something you know will be a turn-on for the both of you. Some of my favorites: Sex and Lucia. Y Tu Mamá También. Unfaithful. Secretary. And that one scene in Dirty Girl. You know the one.
6. Take a field trip to your favorite sex shop. I know. I was just suggesting you stay in, put on your bunny slippers, and watch a movie together, and now I’m urging you to go out and look at dildos. But I thought it was time to take things up a notch. Besides, if you already have sex on your mind (but feel you need to spice things up a bit), taking a trip to a shop like Babeland or Good Vibrations and picking out a toy together can put the fun back in fondling (wait…).
7. Go to a sex party. No, you don’t have to swap sexual partners or jump in on a massive orgy. Though you certainly can. But trust me. While sexy soirees aren’t for everyone, they are worth considering. It’s something about the atmosphere. There’s just something in the air. Even if you don’t strip down to your skivvies in public, you may find yourself rushing home with your partner in search of privacy.
8. And since you’re now up for anything, you might as well check yourselves into a hotel. There’s just something about vacation sex that causes us to lose our inhibitions. But why should we have to leave town to experience that same thrill? Why not plan an out-of-the-house staycation? If you are planning a trip, however, you should know that there are hotels that are known for being exhibitionist-friendly.
9. Try something completely new to the both of you. Jet skiing. Sky diving. Bungee jumping. White water rafting. Anything’s fair game, as long as it’s something neither of you have ever tried before. Why? Because excitement and unpredictability spike the brain’s natural amphetamines — dopamine and norepinephrine — thereby intensifying arousal.
10. Try something your partner loves. I could continue giving you date ideas up the wazoo, but nothing will thrill your partner more than if you’re open-minded about something they’re passionate about. So every time my husband comes to yoga class? Instead turn-on. When he agrees to try this or that new thing I’m interested in? Sexy. That time he went hang gliding with me because it was on my bucket list, even though he’s afraid of heights? Man. Every time I think about it, I want to rip my clothes off.
Remember that y’all. Nothing’s sexier than taking an interest in the things that interest your other half.