8 Reasons Being Single Is Not the Worst Thing In the Worldby Lauren Passell on June 18, 2012
On the blog PTSOTL, the newly-single “Manderson” has written up 4 reasons (with several sub-categories) why being single SUCKS, and she sounds ANGRY.
For all intents and purposes, I was single for like 26 years, and I always really enjoyed it. I think if you’re as mad as Manderson is, the problem is bigger than the fact you don’t have a boyfriend. Here are my issues with her argument. You can read the full piece, with all her rantings, here. It’s actually a good read.
And listen, it’s okay to be pissed off you’re single. Dating can be exhausting. But it can be fun. It can be a nice time to do your thang. And it will probably not be forever. (Unless you want it to, and that is totally okay.) And if you think about that all the time, it’s a little bit better.
SHE SAYS: Casual sex is overrated.
I SAY: Yes. But. Casual sex is really fun, too. And you can’t have casual sex while you’re in a relationship, technically. So think of it as yes maybe possibly overrated, but something that you will not do forever. It’s a part of your life at a certain stage. It’s something you have to go through to get into regular sex land. It makes you more interesting. It gives you good stories. It makes you human. Try to enjoy it while it lasts.
AND: Regular casual sex is actually not that easy to come by (Easy! Come by! Hah!).
I SAY: I would argue that if you are one of those people who has to have sex often, you will find someone to have sex with. If sex isn’t on your mind all the time, you won’t be having regular sex and will probably be okay with that. And vibrators are awesome and really important in becoming a better partner.
AND: On the other hand, being celibate sucks… unless you’re repressed/judgmental or religious, in which case, go ahead and pat yourself on the back again, you smug f*ck.
I SAY: I’m sorry, but BOO. HOO. Would you like some cheese with your wine?
SHE SAYS: People are dying to give you condescending and/or irrelevant, and almost always unsolicited, advice — even if they were in your position not that long ago and they weren’t any better at dating than you are.
I SAY: People give advice because it’s just something they talk about. You don’t have to follow their advice. They might not like everything you have to say, either. Just change the subject or stop hanging out with them. They mean well. If you’re cool with yourself, it really shouldn’t bother you that much. If it causes you an incredible amount of pain and suffering, there’s a bigger problem.
Related: 15 Perks To Being Single And Dating
SHE SAYS: Speaking of OK Cupid/wasting time: Going from a relationship to singledom in your late 20s and beyond suddenly means that your love life is something that needs to be fixed via fix-up or Ye Olde Internets.
I SAY: Nobody can make you go on a dating site or make you go out with someone. Just say no. You’re a busy, successful, happy person who has other things to do, right? Nobody will care if you’re otherwise occupied. Except maybe you.
AND: Even people who have spent my entire life telling me marriage is a sham and children will ruin my life are suddenly desperate to get me to meet some guy who lives literally 1,000 miles away, and when I’m totally not into it, I’m told that I’m too closed-minded and picky and I’ll never find love that way.
I SAY: This sounds incredibly specific. Like it may have happened once. And you know, that sucks. I’m sorry about that. But let’s not make generalizations.
AND: And yet, if I express any resentment or sadness over aforementioned shattered heart, people start shrieking about how OMG I AM SO YOUNG AND I HAVE SO MUCH TIME AND OMG OMG OMG NO REASON TO PANIC!!11!!!!1!111!
I SAY: If you aren’t panicked, you aren’t panicked. If someone thinks my dress is on fire and they are freaking out and screaming in my face, but I know it’s not and I’m not worried about it, I don’t panic, too. I think, “you crazy f*ck, stop talking to me.” Do the same thing when someone acts ridiculous about your aforementioned shattered heart.
SHE SAYS: Much as I try to ignore it, it’s often awkward to be in the noticeable minority as a single person amidst a sea of couples.
I SAY: You never know what other people’s relationships are like. They could be miserable. They could be looking at you with so much envy. If your friends are treating you like the odd girl out, they don’t sound like good friends to me.