How To Take Rejection Like A Manby Scott Alden on February 17, 2011
Rejection is rough. For everybody. There’s really no way to spin it: If you like somebody and they don’t like you back, it feels like getting punched in the gut.
Unfortunately, it’s part of dating and always will be. Everyone’s out there risking their hearts, people are going to get hurt, blah blah blah. You’ve just got to learn to take it.
Women seem to have systems in place for dealing with this. I don’t really understand how they work, but there’s mimosas involved, or something. It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt, it just means that women seem to be more prepared for the big R than men. Women kind of expect it.
And that’s the problem with guys. We never expect it. So when it happens, we act wike wittle tiny babies.
It doesn’t have to be this way though, dudes. It’s time to gird your loins and accept that, if you date a lot, you (yeah even you, Romeo) are going to feel the cold sting of rejection’s icy ladyblade.
While a well placed “Suck it UP!” might be all you need on the ol’ ultimate frisbee field, matters of the heart are a bit more complex, even for the toughest dudes. Here’s a few tips on how to take rejection like a man and walk it off.
1. Don’t be a dick about it.
You went out on a couple of dates. You thought you had a great time. Then she texts you and gives you a sort of lame excuse for never wanting to see you again. I get pissed when something like this happens to me. I slam things around. I type with key-shattering force. But, I am nothing but gracious in my reply. Because even if she’s wrong and we’d only keep having a great time if we went out again and how can she just leave so much potential hanging in the air and, besides that she’s just wrong, it’s her choice if she wants to keep dating me or not. There’s nothing I can do about it and giving into bitterness is only going to make me less attractive to other women in the future. Lose the battle, win the war.
2. It probably was something you did, but so what?
So you didn’t blow up at her. That’s good. You got over the first hump. The second is is when you start saying to yourself “I just want to know WHY.” Really, this is just an excuse to text her again. Don’t do it. If you really want to know why, I’ll tell you. It’s because of something you did, okay? And what ever it was, you’re probably going to keep right on doing it. If you have testicles, then you’re probably either a little obnoxious or a little lame. Accept that you’re not perfect. You’re going to screw up a date now and then. Being humble is almost exactly the same thing as being cool and it’s a lot more attractive than being neurotic.
3. Take one day (and one day only) to nurse your wounds.
Wallow in whatever way you like to wallow (drinking heavily, porn binge, The Prisoner marathon) for one day, then you’re done. Get it aaaaaaallll out. Then…
4. Go on LOTS and LOTS of dates.
You should already be doing this, but if you’re not, GET ON IT. Understanding dating as a process through which you are figuring out what’s really right for you is essential in dealing with rejection. There’s no better way to rid yourself of the idea that there is only ONE right person for you in the world (and maybe it was her) than to have experiences with other totally complex women who are attractive in different ways.