5 “Imperfections” That Guys Find Totally Hotby Scott Alden on December 27, 2011
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I’m getting pretty sick and tired of a handful of neurotic, immature, arrogant little boys speaking for all men. Listen: Women don’t have to be completely hairless with 0% body fat, and guys who think so are not “the norm”: They’re fetishists.
Despite all of these “scientific” studies that keep popping up and suggesting that “symmetry” or “harmony” is universally attractive, men continue to sleep with, date, and marry “unconventionally attractive” women every goddamned day of the week. In fact, it’s often a woman’s “imperfections” (yeah, i get a little “quote-happy” when I’m riled up. So what?) that make her attractive.
Here’s a few examples of what I mean and, I promise you, it’s not just me.
1. Hook Nose
Your profile is regal and gorgeous, like an Egyptian goddess and… can I just kind of, like, bite your nose for a second?
2. Chubby Tummy
If you’re a woman and you’ve ever had sex with a man, you may have noticed that we sometimes get a little grabby with your soft, round parts. A little chubby tummy is a total bonus in this regard.
3. Small Breasts
I’m not saying men don’t like big breasts (no point in denying that) but, also we like just… like… breasts. Small breasts are awesome because they look really nice under a deep V-neck and, if it’s not too cold out, you don’t necessarily have to wear a bra.
4. Looking Gross
I certainly appreciate a woman who’s got her hair and nails did, but when I find myself in the company of a woman with messed-up hair, no make up and big baggy sweatpants I forget how to act.
5. Gap Teeth
For the love of god, don’t let an orthodontist go near that. There is nothing sexier than a coy, gap-toothed smile.
If any of you science guys want to study my totally average proclivities, my email is firstname.lastname@example.org and I know a bunch of other guys you can call, too.
Originally published in February 2011.