Getting Ready For A Date In 30 Minutes Or Lessby Chiara Atik on February 10, 2011
Any girl will tell you that half the fun of going on a date is getting ready for it, but I have a suspicion guys take a little pleasure in it, too. You’ve got a date! Gotta psych yourself up! Gotta turn on the sex bomb!
I always imagine giving myself a good two hours of prep-time before an important date: luxuriating in a bubble bath, maybe doing a facial mask before sitting in front of the vanity (which I don’t have) in a silk robe (also don’t have), and powdering and primping like they do in the movies.
Unfortunately, I’m usually lucky to get 30 minutes, which makes for a more frenetic, but none the less regimented routine. Needless to say, I’ve got this down to a science.
Fling open closet and take out every single dress that I own. Look for the dress that won’t make me look frumpy/fat/slutty/like my mom. Fail at this.
Defeated, jump into the shower, armed with shampoo, conditioner, razor, and toothbrush. (Time saver!) Sing Lauryn Hill’s “That Thing” in the shower, making up the lyrics I don’t know. (About half.)
Hop out of shower, run to microwave, put in tea purchased in Italy which supposedly gets rid of water weight, but probably doesn’t, but whatever, not taking any chances. (The woman on the box is so pretty!)
Go to computer, google restaurant/meeting point, learn that it will take me about 20 minutes longer to get there than I thought it would. Shit.
Go back to clothes. Decide on the black dress. Whatever, it’s fine.
Now wearing the black dress, grab hair dryer, hair curler, brush, Frizz-Ease, iPod. Holding all of these items, go to Microwave, take out the tea, head to the bathroom. Plug in hair curler, balance tea on the sink ledge, turn on Wilson Phillips at FULL blast.
Blow dry hair as quickly as possible (which, truthfully, isn’t that quick.) Belt along to “Hold On”, stopping only long enough to take gulps of magical weightloss tea.
“Hold On” is over and now “Crocodile Rock” has come on, and now I get frustrated at the lack of progress on my hair (it’s gotten bigger, but not dryer?) Leave hair half-wet, and start with makeup.
Foundation, eyeshadow, mascara, blush, more mascara, lipstick, it’s the wrong lipstick, wipe off lipstick, go for lip gloss instead. GULP THE TEA.
One quick spray of random discontinued perfume, so precious that it’s only used on dates. Run to freezer, take out vodka. If I’m ambivalent about the date, one shot. If I’m excited/nervous for the date, two. Chase it with weightloss tea.
Try to curl big, dampish hair into submission. End up twisting it up. Stuff a wide array of possible accessories into purse to decide upon in the cab. Think of 3 conversation topics in case of a lull in conversation.
Look at mirror for final effect. The tea did not work. The dress is awful. Have to change into the purple one. “Run This Town” gets me through it.
Text date that I’m running late. Blame it on traffic.
Look in mirror. Good! Very good! Nice even! Run out the door, too late to even be nervous.
So that’s me.
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