22 Red, White, And Smooth 4th Of July Pickup Linesby Emily Winter on July 01, 2012
1. Thomas Jefferson would have wanted this.
2. Wanna get naked and watch 1776 (that musical about the signing of The Declaration of Independence)?
3. Baby, you’re a firework.
4. If you can tell me the difference between Flag Day and the 4th of July, I will buy you a drink. If you can’t tell me the difference between Flag Day and the 4th of July, I will also buy you a drink.
6. Tell me, does the carpet match the powdered wig?
7. This would be really awkward if you were British.
8. You be Yankee Doodle, I’ll be the pony.
9. Let’s do it in Philadelphia.
10. I’m like fireworks: smokin’, fun, and illegal in many states. Also, there are some really creepy billboards about me on the interstate.
12. Are you a British Loyalist? Because you’re making me rethink this whole “independence” thing.
13. Wanna role play? I’ll be John Adams and you can be Abigail. They wrote very steamy love letters, you know.
14. Let’s be like the original thirteen colonies AND MULTIPLY.
15. “The pursuit of happiness” means it’s cool to hit on you, right?
17. Can I, like, annex you?
18. Don’t tell me you’re one of those 4th of July apologists. Just kidding, I don’t think that’s a thing. Thirsty?
19. Let’s drink beer and play with fireworks until somebody has a terrible accident!
20. I’ll put my John Hancock on your bar tab if you hang out with me for a while.
21. Oooooh say can you seeeeeeee / by the dawn’s early light / me in your bed / with last night’s sweat still gleaminnnnnng.