HowAboutWe – Date Report

That arbitrary, rose-petal-covered holiday in the middle of winter — you know the one — can be a fickle, dangerous thing. I’m sure most of you know what I’m talking about, and have had at least one of the below happen to you. This year, let’s outsmart Cupid’s Curse and live to see another date.

1. Gift misinterpretation. He got her way too expensive a gift and now she feels uneasy about the relationship; she got him a stupid toy gun because she thought he’d find it funny, but they’ve been together for six years and he’s really hurt by it. Or worst of all, he scores a free weekend at a B&B in Vermont, she takes it as a Serious Step gift, but he totally didn’t mean it that way — he just got it for free and thought it’d be fun.

How to avoid? Don’t leave your gift to interpretation! If it’s not a serious gesture but could seem like one, casually say so. If you got him something simple and cheap because times are tight, be up front – your lover will understand.

Related: 5 Gifts For Your Hipster Boyfriend2. Suddenly we’re in the Relationship Express Lane. You’ve been dating for four months and things have remained pretty free and fun, and what’s more, you both like it that way. Then V-Day comes up, and you do a night in a nice hotel with the champagne and the fancy dinner and the flowers and the jewelry, and two weeks later, out of some unspoken obligation, you’re spending every night at your place or hers and you’re on bing looking up tickets to meet her parents for Easter. This is suddenly not the free and easy thing you both signed up for.

How to avoid? Don’t do the Serious V-Day unless you’re ready for the relationship to match.

3. Lack of commitment prematurely uncovered. They’ve been dating for a few weeks, so he suggests they enjoy a nice dinner or show for V-Day. She brusquely snaps that she doesn’t want to do anything for V-Day. He asks why, and she says no reason, but then he asks again, and she says I JUST DON’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING, OK? This forces a conversation in which she vents that she is just not looking to get into a relationship right now, so therefore has no interest in V-Day, and then breaks up with the guy because this is all too much for her.

How to avoid? When you’ve just started dating someone, you have to let the progression of commitment occur naturally. So if you sense that the person you’ve started seeing has some qualms, do NOT call her bluff; avoid the whole mess by setting up a schedule conflict the night of the 14th.

Related: How to Plan a Pressure-Free Valentine’s Date4. Illusion of no romance. You go out with your girlfriend of two years, do a nice dinner, catch a movie, then you get home and just don’t feel like having sex. The whole night was very routine, and when a few days later your girlfriend seems to be in a strange mood, you ask her what’s up, and she bursts out crying saying there’s no romance left in your relationship anymore.

Related: What Your Rose Color Says About Your LoveHow to avoid? First, don’t put V-Day on a goddamn pedestal. Some nights are romantic, some aren’t, and it’s really hard for an arbitrary holiday in the coldest month of the year to always be magical. Second, follow Dan Savage’s advice and have sex before you go out for V-Day – no food issues, no sleepy issues, much less pressure on the “perfect night.” Third, if something like this does happen, examine your relationship generally to make sure this is just a V-Day fluke and not a fundamental loss of romance between the two of you. It might be time for a trip to Hawaii or some new positions in the bedroom.

5. Now you’ve set the bar too high. Sometimes the opposite happens, especially if this is a relatively new relationship. He or she puts out all the stops, and it’s an insanely romantic, sexy, adventurous night. But then the next day you wake up, and it’s back to the real world, and soon the relationship just starts to seem average or inadequate when you’re hanging on the couch watching a movie.

How to avoid? If you go big on V-Day and you’re both down for that, TALK ABOUT the fact that this is a one-off. Joke about the amazing food that you will not have again for a long time, and playfully tell your lover that you can’t wait for tomorrow night when you can just cook up mac n cheese and watch The Sandlot.