10 Dating Resolutions for the Single Momby Alicia Harper on January 04, 2012
On New Years Eve, my single girlfriends and I headed out to Chelsea/West Village to attempt to party like rockstars. After a night of dancing, celebrating, and flirting, when it came time to exchange numbers with the cutie who was checking me out (I was checking him out too), one of my gals flatly stated, “He’s too short.” Dude was the same height as me… and I was wearing 5-inch heels. Meaning that he’s 5 inches taller than me. Meaning that we could totally work this thing out. And as single moms, aren’t we over the whole, “He’s gotta be over 6 feet to get some play” motto?
That’s when I decided to come up with a few dating resolutions for 2012. So this year, this singlemama resolves to:
1. Get over hang-ups.
“He’s not over 6 feet.” (Okay… and?) “He doesn’t look like John Legend.” (Not many guys do.) “He didn’t graduate Harvard with a triple major in English, Economics, and Biomedical Engineering, then go on to publish 5 New York Times best-selling books and become a VP at a top Investment Bank, all while finding a cure for cancer for kids in a third world country.” (Long. Blank. Stare.)
2. Go on different kinds of dates.
Sure coffee and pastries are pleasant, dinner and drinks are always fun, and a walk in the park is quite refreshing. But, what about skating? Or rock climbing? Or horseback riding? (Well, maybe not that, but you get the gist.) Time to shake things up a bit and live a little.
Related: Dating Tips for the Single Parent
3. Date different types of guys.
Of course I know the type of men I like. But what better way to be absolutely sure than the process of elimination? Plus, we all know that the more dates we go on, the better we become at dating. (Hopefully.) While I’m at it, I’ll bring a doggie bag home so that my kid and I can have a date night too. Just kidding. (Sorta.)
4. Don’t float around in a guy’s life for too long.
In the dating world, we all play games — at least a little bit. And those games involve a little bit of floating around. I get that. And I’m usually not one to put a time frame on things, especially if the vibe feels right. But this year, after a few dates, if the vibe does feels right, then I no longer want to float around. I want to know know, ya know? So if it feels right, I’ll lock it down. If not, on to the next one. (That was a Jay Z reference.) There’s no reason to be floating around in this “we’re-just-hanging-out-kinda-sorta-dating friends-with-some-benefits” type of situation. I have a kid. I’m too old for that kind of stuff. Plus, that’s so 2011.
5. Get my priorities straight.
This one’s a no-brainer, but it still somehow needs to be said. If there are play dates to be scheduled and monsters to look for under my kid’s bed, there’s no need to put some guy at the top of my priority list if I’m not somewhere up there on his list. Even if he’s really, really cute. Really.
And make peace with past relationships, even if I don’t get the closure that I want from them. Everyone’s made past relationship mistakes. I’ve made several. But in order for the ghosts of my relationships past not to haunt my relationship’s future, I have to be forgiving… in the present.
7. Don’t be in competition with my ex.
As in, my son’s other parent, over who starts dating someone hot and sexy and seemingly-a total-10-in-all-areas-of-life first. So what if he’s dating the equivalent of Ugly Betty and I’m seeing a guy who’s David Beckham hot. It’s not a contest, after all. (Not a close one anyway.)
8. Take my own dating advice.
Instead of telling my girlfriends something along the lines of, “That is not okay,” “He should not be treating you like that,” and “This guy clearly doesn’t have his act together,” if the shoe fits, I’m going to repeat those phrases. Twice. Thrice. While looking in a mirror.
9. Believe him if he says, “I’m not looking for a serious relationship.”
Even if he’s cute and charming. Even if he’s really, really cute and charming. Even if he’s seemingly a total 10 in all areas of life. He doesn’t have to want to be a father figure today, but at some point, he’ll have to want to build a future with me and my awesome kid because he recognizes my worth. And if he’s not ready for a serious relationship, then where is this really going?
10. Enjoy every… single… moment… of my single mom status.
Dancing with the gals, flirting with the guys, vacations with the homies, Sunday brunch with my son? Bring it on! That way, if the Love Gods are in my favor this year and Mr. Oh So-Right does come along, I would’ve had one heck of a run before taking on a new role as “a little bit single,” and then fully committing and changing my Facebook status to “in a relationship.”
Alicia Harper, M.A., Ed.M. is a single mother, blogger, and recent graduate of Columbia University. Her life is filled with all things pink, except for the one bit of blue – her rambunctious 4-year-old son. Together they make a great pair, and Alicia chronicles the trials and triumphs of being a young, single mother living in NYC at