1. You wake up in a bunk bed.

2. You’ve borrowed his pajamas. His pajamas are official Space Jam merchandise.

3. He has a glowbug lamp at night.

Plus: 9 Ways To Get Him To Leave Your Apartment The Morning After

4. His nighttime noise maker plays dad speeches from “Seventh Heaven.”

5. She is wearing her retainer. “Retainer” turns out to be a nice word for “chastity belt.”

6. You find night vision goggles stuffed under the bed.

7. You have already been defriended on Facebook by the time you get to the front door.

8. You wake up alone, next to tumbleweed.

9. His bedroom is dank and chilly–wait, no, it’s just that he wet the bed.

10. She runs out because she’s going to be late for Saturday morning detention.

11. You wake up spooning not only your date, but also his drunk, disoriented roommate, who has apparently crawled into bed.

Plus: The 5 Date Behaviors That Made Me Run For The Hills At 100 MPH

12. His mom has cooked you both breakfast.

13. The airbed deflated.

14. He greets you with, “Good morning, my wife!”

15. There is a ping pong ball in the toilet with a sign above that reads, “Great shot, big boy!”

16. He’s a “graduate” of an Anthony Robbins “Unleash the power within” seminar.

17. She has a poster of Mark Paul Gosselar on the wall. Ironic or not.

18. Bluebirds lift the covers off the two of you and the sun dances in the window singing “Good mornin’ Good mornin’!” by Gene Kelly. Cute or not, anthropomorphism is creepy.

Plus: “You slept naked in my bed. Unfortunately, you were in the wrong apt. -m4w”

19. His bed is an iceberg, and you are a polar bear, slowly sinking into the Arctic.

20. You are a national park and he is a petroleum producer.

21. You’re in La Junta, Colo.

22. You’ve got crabs.

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