When you’re single, you spend a lot of time looking forward to being in a relationship. You think about all the nice things that you’re missing right now: having someone to go to parties with, having someone to hang out at home with, having someone to complain about your day to, having someone to dress up for…the list is endless.

You start to think that once you’re in a relationship, you’ll be happier.

But what single people forget is that being in a relationship comes with its own set of angst, boredom, and even misery.

This week’s New York Times Modern Love essay deals with just that. A married woman and her husband are struggling to connect after dealing with miscarriages, carrier anxieties, and the everyday pressures of marriage.

They aren’t divorced (though they’ve talked about it), they aren’t giving up (though they’ve probably thought about doing so) and they clearly aren’t happy. They’re just quietly, persistently struggling through. This isn’t to say the struggle isn’t worth it, but just to point out that the struggle is there.

As a single person, this was a nice reminder that troubles don’t end when you find your person, they just change. And all those couples out there in the world, on the subway, in the street, in line at the grocery store? They aren’t necessarily happier than you are.

[New York Times: Modern Love]

 

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