With Muppet Mania upon us this holiday season, everyone has surely be pondering their favorite muppet — but what does your choice say about you? If you love the rambunctious Animal, are you not ready to settle down? Are you looking for a mature and rested Kermit? And, of course, the big question: Which Muppet choice will make Jason Segel fall in love with you? Wavy your gangly arms until you find the Muppet that’s right for you.

Kermit: As well-adjusted and idyllic as Kermit might seem, lest we not forget he never really takes Lady Piggy on that many dates. Sure when he does, they are delightful, but he’s a little in his own mind. He’s the green-felt equivalent of Mr. Big, if you can bare to wait it out (and then of course never, ever, see the sequel).

Miss Piggy: Whatever, someone will deal with you.

Beaker: God bless you, between the nerdy exploits and the hard to decipher voice, life is going to be hard for you. You’re probably great in bed.

Rizzo: You precious scalawag. You’re smeary but lovable and loyal.

Fozzie Bear: If you’re a straight man and you’re reading this, you are a slightly fay, stand-up comedian who lives in Brooklyn and has a hard time talking to girls. If you’re a straight lady, you’ve already slept with all of the men who identify themselves this way and are sorely disappointed with what you’ve found.

Animal: You’re wild. You’re passionate. You have sloppy sex and listen to music too loud. Cool it, you.

Sam Eagle: You’re a little buttoned-up and staunch. But look, if Hermain Cain wooed that many women with his Republican viewpoint, you’re probably fine.

Gonzo: You’re a man of bold romantic gestures. You treat even a chicken like a queen. Sure you suffer for you art (even when it’s not perfect) and that’s so damn charming. Don’t ever change you misguided, weird-nosed thing.

Camilla: Your patience for crazy is rewarded with love. Don’t change, you misguided chicken, you.

Waldorf/Statler: You’re a terrible grump. At least you have that one friend.

Janice: While it would make sense that someone as cool you would be saddled up, you tend to date people more flighty than you. Whatever, it’s good for the music, man.

 

Filed Under: