Do You Let Your Body Size Get In The Way of Your Dating Life?by Chiara Atik on December 05, 2011
In this week’s Modern Love essay, the author reflects upon her experience dating an overweight man. It’s not the type of “Well, I wasn’t attracted to him but then he won me over, eventually…” type narrative. From before she even meets him in person, the author is aware of the man’s obesity: she decides not to be bothered by it, and for the duration of their relationship, it doesn’t. In fact, her description of fat sex is pretty palatable:
“All I will say about what happened next is that when you make love with a very large person, rather than more body contact, there is less. Never once did he rest his weight on me. As we drifted off to sleep, I wrapped my arms around him and felt as if I were floating on a life raft in the middle of a peaceful ocean. Buoyant and safe.”
The author doesn’t have a problem with the man’s weight, at least not on an aesthetic or physical level. Unfortunately, the weight did get in the way, due to a series of health setbacks and the fact that he just didn’t have the energy for an active dating life style.
Both the author and the overweight man let their bodies prevent them from having a happy dating life: the man because he is too unhealthy to participate in a varied and active dating life (walks, tennis games, bike rides, running to get to a movie on time, etc), and the woman because she let her own body image prevent her from fully putting herself out there.
This latter problem is pretty common for both men and women: the tendency to “put off” dating until you finally lose those ten pounds, or have the body you feel is worthy of love and affection. But the truth is, if you don’t think you’re worthy of a relationship now, chances are, you won’t later.
Luckily for the author of the essay, she was able to overcome some of these trepidations, and fall in love with a slender man who didn’t mind her curves. Let’s hope her overweight ex-boyfriend managed to make some progress, too.