How To Lose A Single Mom On the First Date in 6 Easy Stepsby Alicia Harper on November 14, 2011
You’ve seen the romantic comedy “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days,” right? If not, here’s a quick primer: Kate Hudson’s character, Andie Anderson, does a slew of wacky things in an attempt to drive a guy she’s seeing (Matthew McConaughey’s character, Ben Barry) away, including nicknaming his penis “Princess Sophia,” interrupting his bros-only weekly game night of poker, flooding his bathroom cabinets with way too many tampons (and Vagisil), and leaving him 17 voice messages. In a row.
All big no-no’s.
With that in mind, I decided to create my own version of the movie in this article, but for those wanting to date a different breed of women – the single mom. To say single mothers are swamped and have very limited time to spare is the understatement of the year. (Trust me on this: I am one.) My single mom friends and I have experienced lots of first dates that we decided wouldn’t lead to second dates because our dates committed infamous “first date offenses.” These are true dealbreakers, so if you want a second (and third and fourth) date with that hot single mom you’re digging, take heed. (I’m sure the fellas would be able to generate their own list of first date deal-breakers for those dating a single dad, but let’s just fight one battle at a time here. Okay?)
How To Lose A Single Mom On A First Date in 6 Easy Steps
Step 1: Dive In Too Soon.
A couple months ago, I went on a date with a guy who was looking to meet his bride at an altar. Like, yesterday. Within the span of knowing me for all but 45 minutes, he (1) mentioned that all of his friends were either in a serious relationship, engaged, or married, (2) told me he was looking to settle down, sooner rather than later, and (3) asked me, “So, what are you looking for in a relationship?” Gulp. Way to get right to the point, eh? Not only was I taken aback from all of that information in one sitting, but it also made him come off as a little too desperate in my eyes. We’re all looking for “The One,” but try not to make it seem as though you’re looking so hard. You’ll get cool points for playing it, well, cool. But not too cool. No one likes “too cool for school” guy.
Step 2: Be A Total Mama’s Boy.
Single mothers (or single gals, for that matter) appreciate guys who are respectful of their own mothers. It’s nice and sweet. Being too much of a Mama’s Boy though, is weird. My single mom friend once had a guy tell her, “You have a child? Umm… I’m gonna have to call my mother about this.” (Seriously folks, I can’t make this stuff up.) OK, I get it. He was shocked that she had a child. But, I’m sorry, come again? His comment gives a whole new meaning on the term “Mama’s Boy.” Quite frankly, any person over the age of 32 should not utter these words on a first date. Like, ever.
Step 3: Try To Be Our Kid’s Best Friend.
When the cocktails are flowing and the conversations are going, it’s hard not to get caught up in the excitement and possibilities of a first date. But let’s leave the kids out of this one. For now. Don’t ask anything along the lines of, “When can I meet your child(ren)?” Easy there, Skipper. You may think we’re in a hurry to find a stepdad for our kid, but we’re not. Asking that question on a first date doesn’t necessarily make you look like a kid-friendly guy to us. And it surely isn’t going to get us to sleep with you any sooner.
Step 4: Make Third Date Statements.
And while we’re at it, let’s leave third date comments like, “Everyone tells me that I’ll make a great dad (or stepdad) one day!” out of the first date. Okay? Thanks. Actions speak louder than words, so don’t just tell us, show us.
Step 5: Ask Third Date Questions.
“Why’d you split with the father?” That’s a question that should also be reserved for a third or fourth date, quite akin to us asking you, “Why’d your last relationship end?” No one wants to answer those dreaded questions on a first date. Can we all agree to enjoy the first-date dinner and stroll or coffee and pastries without these questions?
Step 6: Play The Name Game. Incorrectly.
A few weeks ago, in the spirit of “getting back out there,” I gave a guy my phone number. He called. I answered. He asked for Stephanie. My name is Alicia. Not. Even. Close. He felt pretty silly that he saved the wrong number in his phone. Word to the wise: when you save a girl’s number in your phone, make sure you have the right name attached to it. At least give a single mom the courtesy of remembering her name. Geesh! Needless to say, that one was over before it even started. Chalk it up to my old-fashioned ways, but if you can’t even remember my name – my goodness! – then you do not get to date me.
Single mamas, did I leave anything out? Any other ways guys can lose us on (or before) a first date?
Alicia Harper, M.A., Ed.M. is a 20something single mother, blogger, and recent graduate of Columbia University turned Mental Health Therapist. Her life is filled with all things pink, except for the one bit of blue — her rambunctious 4-year-old son. Together they make a great pair, and Alicia chronicles the trials and triumphs of being a young, single mother living in NYC at Mommy Delicious. Find her on Facebook. Follow her on Twitter.