Dating Advice From The Golden Girls

Before The Golden Girls, portrayals of older women on TV were limited to comedic relief characters like Granny from The Beverly Hillbillies, or maternal, asexual figures like Aunt Bee from The Andy Griffith Show. But with Blanche, Rose, Dorothy, and even Sophia, television audiences got a taste of women who were sexual well into their golden years.

Always quippy, the four women dropped a lot of pearls of wisdom around that kitchen table over the years. Here are some of our favorite dating quips from The Golden Girls.

Age Ain’t Nothin But A Number

Rose: My mother always used to say: “The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”

The Golden Girls proved that you can have a heathy dating life well into your golden years. What’s more, the characters on the show don’t have rote dating lives consisting of going out with whatever dregs of society remain single: their social lives are vibrant and exciting, with a string of beaus to keep them endlessly entertained. And, as much as some of us younger people might try to resist the notion, sex among the 60+ set happens. A lot.

If He’s Cheap…

We’re totally on the same page with Blanche on this one. There is nothing, truly nothing, wrong with being absolutely broke, as long as you’re generous in all the ways you can be. But if you’re cheap…

On Dry Spells

Rose: Sophia, why are you in such a bad mood?
Sophia: Excuse me Rose, but I haven’t had sex in fifteen years and its starting to get on my nerves.

If you suspect that one of your friends is in dire need of a little mood-elevating physical recreation, you might want to set them up or take them out.

Confidence Is Key

Blanche: He is so sophisticated and charming and rich and handsome. He fairly screams Blanche. At least, he will when I’M through with him.

If you meet someone you like, don’t let anything stand in your way, least of all your lack of self-esteem.

On Slutiness

Blanche: There is a fine line between having a good time and being a wanton slut. I know. My toe has been on that line.

Here’s the line: if you’re not having a good time, but you’re still doing it. Make sure you’re having sex for the right reasons. (Fun is a right reason, by the way.)

On Wide Age Gaps

Dorothy: When a 22-year-old girl marries a man who’s 80, chances are she is not after his body.

On Sex

Dorothy: Is that all you care about? Money and applause?
Blanche: And sex. For which I usually *get* applause.

Are you getting applause? If not, read this. Or this.

“Condoms, Rose! Condoms, Condoms, Condoms!”

Yeah, sometimes it’s embarrassing to buy condoms (or the opposite of embarrassing because now the cashier knows that SOMEONE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU! and YOU ARE GETTING LAID!), but, the point is, if these ladies can manage to swallow their embarrassment, so can you.

On Break-Ups

Rose: How long were Jean and Pat married?
Dorothy: They were together for about eight years.
Rose: Poor thing. I wish there was something I could do… I know! I’ll make my world-famous ice cream clown sundaes! You know, the kind with the little raisin eyes and the sugar cone caps.
Dorothy: If that doesn’t fill the void, nothing will.

Actually, we think Rose had the right idea with the post-break up ice cream. A good break-up playlist will help, too.

On Being Gay

Blanche: I don’t really mind Clayton being homosexual, I just don’t like him dating men.
Dorothy: You really haven’t grasped the concept of this “gay thing” yet, have you, Blanche?
Blanche: Well there must be homosexuals who date women.
Sophia: Yeah. They’re called lesbians.

Clearly, Blanche has never dated in New York City.

10 Qualities Gay Guys Look For In A Mate

On Sending The Right Signals

Rose: When men see that you shave your legs above the knee, what does that say to them?
Blanche: Hopefully it says, ‘”Touch my leg!”
Dorothy: That’s in case they miss the tattoo that says the same.

Even if you aren’t as direct as Blanche, it’s important to send clear signals if you’re interested in someone. (The direct route doesn’t hurt, either.)