Tell Me If You Think This Is Weird: The Guy I’m Dating Won’t Kiss With Tongue

Are you weird about dating? We’re here to help you figure it out! Just email us a question and we’ll tell you, as honestly as we possibly can, whether or not we think (whatever it is) is weird. Today’s topic: Making out without tongue.

“Siobhan” writes:

“I’ve been dating this guy for over a month. We’ve hooked up a handful of times, and after the second time we made out it became apparent to me that he does not use his tongue at all when kissing. I’ve definitely been using my tongue but when I do, it’s like the road to nowhere. I think he might retract his tongue like, far back into his mouth! I’ve never encountered this before, but…this is definitely weird, right?”

We Say

Here’s the thing: apparently this is a pretty common problem. When I brought this up in the office, everyone seemed to

A) be sort of horrified

but also

B) have heard or experienced this before.

So, Siobhan, while you might feel isolated and alone while you tentatively probe the black hole of your date’s mouth in search of a tongue, know that there are others, many others, who have been in the same position.

Maybe your date has something wrong with his tongue? Maybe he suffers from black tongue?

*Note: we are in no way attempting to diagnose him. He probably does not have black tongue, which is completely harmless, not-contagious, and totally reversible.

Unfortunately for you, Siobhan, if you like this guy, and want to continue dating him, you’re going to have to just bite the bullet and bring it up to him. Which yes, is going to be a little bit awkward. But ultimately, less awkward than making out with a guy who mysteriously refuses to use his tongue.

So here’s what you say:

The next time you’re kissing, and you use your tongue, pull away, and say something along the lines of:

“Do you like that? I noticed that you don’t really use tongue yourself…”

Or something like that. And then he’ll either say “No, that’s not my style,” which is a personal choice you’ll just have to decide whether or not you want to deal with, or he’ll say “Oh, am I not? I didn’t really notice,” at which point you can coach him and maybe he’ll start to be a better kisser.

Or he’ll say “Yeah, sorry, I have this thing called black tongue?” at which point you are just relieved that he’s been keeping that tongue back and out of your mouth.

But either way, if you keep dating him, bring it up.