Ask The Modern Manners Guy: Ending Dates, Accepting Drinks, And Kicking People Out Of Bedby Chiara Atik on July 27, 2011
Dating can be a minefield of dos, don’ts and etiquette faux pas. To navigate the way, we’ve enlisted the help of Richie Frieman, aka The Modern Manners Guy to answer a few dating-related questions.
I hate leading guys on, but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. How can I end a first date politely, without giving false hope for a second one?
The best way for a girl to let a guy know she is not interested — or shoot down his chances for a second date — is by saying the magic “relationship ending” word: Friend.
When a guy hears the phrase, “You know, you are such a good friend,” or “I’m glad I have a friend like you,” he may play it cool but inside he’s thinking, “Well this date is over! I hope she doesn’t order something expensive now.” So, if you ARE looking to let the guy down easy, tell him how good of a friend he is, or that you see him as a good friend and he will get the message. The more you mention the word “friend” in your conversation, the better he will get the hint. Before you know it he’ll be faking sick to get out of the date and go home, saving you the trouble of having to tell him a second date is not in the cards.
What’s the etiquette for buying drinks: is it okay to accept a drink from a stranger, if you have no interest in talking to them? Or should you politely turn the drink down?
If I advise women to stop taking drinks from men, I could very well lose my man-card and be rejected forever by my fellow “dudes” since that “move” is our go-to technique. It may be highly unoriginal but it’s the ice breaker of all ice breakers, dating back to caveman days when cavemen used to offer cave women a handful of pond water. Gross but you get my drift. Plus, if you are in a bar, what else are we supposed to think of? “Hi, would you like the rest of my Starbucks gift card? I’ve got like, $1.50 left on it.”
I would say that if you do accept a drink, watch the bartender make it. Never accept one that is handed to you from a guy. That’s creepy. Buying a drink for a girl should be done with class and allow her to pick what she wants.
However, when you do not want the drink the proper thing to do is really just to say, “No thank you” but in a much sweeter way so not to break our already-fragile hearts. Try something polite like “Oh, thanks but I’m okay for now,” that’s all. Very simple. And throw in a smile for us, so it at least makes us feel you really were okay.
In the end, you don’t owe a stranger anything. Chances are that when you say no, he’s already looking for the next girl to ask, so don’t feel bad. Especially when the guy couldn’t think of a better line than, “Can I buy you a drink?”
What’s the most polite, non-sleazy way to get someone to leave after they’ve spent the night?
Hey now! Now we’re talking.
Well, unfortunately, I can’t say wishing a person you just slept with to leave right away, is at all proper.
However, the best way to do this is to start your day as if it was your normal routine (even if you had nothing planned) early and let them know it’s time for you both to leave. Maybe put on clothes for running, or get dressed to go meet your friends for breakfast/brunch. No one wants to hang at your house while you’re not there. We can sit alone at our own houses, thank you very much.
But, doing something — even if you are making it up — the earlier the better is best.
However, if you really want to make him jump, tell him or her your parents are coming over in ten minutes and they’ll be out the door faster than you can say, “Call me!” This is a guaranteed go-to!
How many times can someone “postpone” a date until you give up and realize they’re blowing you off?
My rule is, if they blow you off twice, it’s not going to happen. Once, okay, you get held up at work, you’re sick, there is a “Saved By The Bell” marathon on TBS, whatever, something can always happen… ONCE! Twice, though? That’s a no-go. No one is so busy that they can’t squeeze in any time for someone they have feelings for or want to see if they do.
Bottom line, whether it’s a guy or girl, people will make plans work or call back because they want to. If someone can’t find thirty minutes to have even coffee with a person – TWICE EVEN – then I’d say that it’s time to hang it up for good with them.
About The Modern Manners Guy: Richie Frieman’s perspective on manners stems from his rather colorful career history which includes stints as a professional artist and a professional wrestler. Whether in the boardroom or in the wrestling ring, Richie has seen examples of manners and etiquette at their best and most bizarre.