Post-First Date Text Etiquette: Do You Agree With These Rules?by Chiara Atik on June 03, 2011
We’ve waxed poetic on our love for the text message here before on The Date Report, but when it comes to the early stages of dating, are there circumstances in which you should still pick up the phone?
Matt Griffin of AskMen.com had a thoughtful post on Texting Rules, and for the most part, we agree with his advice: don’t fight over text, extreme emotion should be expressed in person, don’t freaking text your ex when you communicate for the first time post-breakup.
But when it comes to post-first date etiquette, we’re not sure we agree. Here’s what Griffin advised:
“The best usage of the post-first-date text is its perceived innocence. Acceptable messages would be: “Hey, I had a great night with you. I can’t wait to do it again,” or, “Just heard someone laugh exactly like that woman we sat next to the other night, except this time she was 60 and had a German accent.” Little tidbits are reminders that you haven’t lost sight of the time you spent together, but avoid formalities that should be settled in person.
Under no circumstances should a man plan his second date with a woman through text. Things like, “Hey, can I pick you up at eight o’clock on Tuesday for a follow-up?” can be detrimental to an early couple’s dynamic. Leave second date plans, or any follow-up plans for that matter, for the traditional phone conversations we all know and love though increasingly try to avoid.”
But the problem is, some people (many HowAboutWe staff members included) hate the phone! We feel awkward and hate those “I’m sorry, were you going to say something?” “No, no, go ahead!” moments that come with communicating when you can’t see a person face-to-face.
A text lets you quickly and efficiently plan (“Would you like to get dinner next Tuesday?” “Yes, sounds good!”) without having to small-talk. Both people can respond at their leisure, instead of finding a quiet place and mutually convenient time to converse.
Moreover, if one person doesn’t want a second date, it’s infinitely easier to say “Thanks, but I don’t think this is going to work out.” via text message than it is to say it over the phone — you’re mercifully giving the other person the option of simply not responding, rather than having to muster up their remaining dignity with an “Okay, uhm, in that case, see ya…”
So basically, while we’re not trying to discourage phone use for people who prefer it to typing, we feel like it’s perfectly acceptable to make plans for a second date via text.
What do you guys think? Is a text date invite tacky or acceptable?