The Excited, Sexually-Liberated Friendby Joy Engel on May 26, 2011
The Internet was abuzz yesterday (and by “Internet,” I mean the smart women I follow on Tumblr) over the excerpt of Mindy Kaling’s new book. Since I’m partial to funny ladies who write funny things, this book excerpt had Joy bait written all over it.
A good friend from college g-chatted me after reading the excerpt. “Oh my goodness! The bit about one night stands is SO YOU.”
Obviously I thought she was referring to the fact that I am crazy when I start dating men. Well, crazy isn’t perhaps the best word. I’m… cautious. I have a hard and fast “no sex until we’re monogamous” rule (which I’ve broken only once and it only served to reaffirm my faith in the righteousness of this rule).
When I go to a guy’s apartment the first time, I tell no fewer than three friends that I’m going there and text when I leave. If they don’t hear from me after a certain amount of time, I have faith that they will realize that I’m being held hostage in the dude’s basement and send the appropriate law enforcement official to save me. Don’t even get me started on the precaution I take when getting into a dude’s car for the first time. (How are people so carefree about getting into the cars of people they don’t know? Has no one seen every single Lifetime movie ever? I am pretty sure I can fight my way out of a house. But a car? The car can take you anywhere! In the car, no one can hear you scream! One minute you’re outside of a restaurant, the next minute you’re in the woods of West Virginia! Do not get into cars with strangers!)
So, obviously I thought my friend was referring to the fact that, like me, Mindy Kaling is cautious.
But then my friend continued.
“It’s like every day you’re dating a new guy! One day you’re thinking of making out with John and then the next day it’s David! You are the Excited Sexually-Liberated Friend!”
And then I realized it. I realized what I was to her. This girl, who’d only slept with one man during her entire life, who got married just months after getting her college diploma, saw me as her glimpse into single life. She met her now-husband during college orientation (to be fair, I also started dating someone during orientation. He was a senior. I made him wait until April to have sex. Then we broke up in May because he was going to grad school in London. Pretty sure I ruined that kid’s senior year of college. So, if you’re reading, I am really sorry!) and that was it for her, she was done. She looks at me and fundamentally doesn’t understand why I’m so fickle.
I then presented this to another friend — a friend I admire for a number of reasons. One of the main reasons is that she, unlike me, isn’t crazy. She doesn’t have a three month waiting period or any of the other crazy hoops. She gets into people’s cars without considering that she might not leave it in one piece. She waits until the third date to have sex. I wait until the third date to make out (or the third glass of wine).
And then she realized what she was to me. She is my Excited Sexually-Liberated Friend.
But back to the excerpt: Mindy Kaling goes on to talk about female friendships, about what every man needs to do to improve his outside (her advice is amazing on that front) and about what makes her cry. The entire thing is amazing, but I still come back to that conversation between her and her friend. Because I’m pretty certain that to some people, Mindy Kaling is the Excited Sexually-Liberated Friend. And her Excited Sexually-Liberated Friend seems like a Shaker in comparison to one of her friends. Despite how prudish you may think you are, you are still someone’s Excited Sexually-Liberated Friend.
Joy Engel lives and works in Portland, Maine where she tweets far too much and solves the occasional murder-mystery while riding around on a bicycle. Everything she writes is her personal opinion and does not necessarily represent the views of her employer or its clients.