HowAboutWe – Date Report

Their Obsession With Sports

If there is some sort of interesting element tied to sports, like Lebron abandoning Cleveland (my home town), then I care. But otherwise, USUALLY I do not. I vaguely care about soccer, since the players are so attractive. I like watching basketball (for 15 minutes or so) and I love football season because it reminds me of home and there’s just something so cozy about it, and the NFL theme song. But I don’t get how guys get so into it that they completely lose focus on other things. That it’s often all they want to talk about. That it’s the only thing they want to watch on TV. That they will wake up at 5 AM on a Saturday morning to watch a soccer game in England. I don’t get it.

Their Nerf Gun Collection

Most of the guys I know have a hefty nerf gun collection, and it is the number one thing I don’t understand about my boyfriend. He will say he is going to K-mart to buy paper towels, but will come back with two new “weapons”, and sometimes no paper towels. He says it’s because it’s fun to play with weapons that aren’t real, but why would you want to do that? What is the POINT? I’m not saying I want to use real weapons either, but? I just don’t see the fun.

They Think Megan Fox Is The Hottest Woman Alive

She is a gorgeous woman. But how is every single guy I know convinced she is the winner of the MRS HOTNESS UNIVERSE contest? Was there a secret conference that I didn’t know about, where they agreed upon this? Were they like, “alright, men, we have elected Megan Fox as the hottest woman on earth, and we will all worship her ABOVE ALL OTHERS”?

Plus: 11 Pretty Ridiculous Sexts Guys Actually Like

They Love All Nicholas Cage Movies

For as much as the guys in my life love Nicholas Cage movies (which is a lot) I hate them even more. They are all the same and TERRIBLE. And to top it all off, Nicholas Cage went bankrupt. How does that HAPPEN when millions of guys are blinded by his… number-themed movies… banking his ridiculously lux lifestyle? Also: THE WICKER MAN WHAT?

This Joke

I get it, technically. But it does not make me laugh for 10 minutes straight. I do not go to the kitchen to fill up a water glass, take a drink, and have to start laughing again. So maybe I don’t get it, get it.

They Can Fix Almost Anything But They Can’t Make The Bed To Save Their Lives

Guys instinctively can fix everything. They know how to make computers and take doors off hinges, etc. Listen, I’m not saying girls can’t do these things, I’m just saying I NEVER do these things. But if they are so skilled in building a bicycle, how can they not make a bed? Why does it always look like shit? The pillows are all over the place, everything is wrinkled and off center, I couldn’t make the bed look like that if I tried. (I actually think I figured this one out, perhaps: they just don’t give a shit about how the bed looks.)

Plus: 12 Cute Ways To Say You’re Sorry

Not-Talking

For every word the average guy says, I say 15. I don’t know how they keep it all in! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said to my boyfriend, “why didn’t you TELL me that?!” I think living with me must wear him out a tad, as I ask him to describe in full detail every event of his day. And I still don’t get enough information. He probably wants to slap me, but that would be physical abuse, as opposed to the borderline annoying abuse I pepper him with.

They Can Do One Crunch A Week And Be In Better Shape Than Me

I work out almost every day, and my boyfriend works out often too, but he looks WAY better than I do. And he eats TONS of french fries. (Possible solution: he does fewer, more hardcore workouts that are actually effective, and I pansy around the gym listening to Nelly. Whatever.)

Plus: 10 Reasons I Would Never Date A Runner Even Though I Am One

They Can Fit Their Lives Into One Wallet

There is this guy I see who always skateboards to work, holding nothing. SOMETIMES a bagel. Where is all his stuff? How is he so free? He zooms by me, while I stagger on my heels carrying a bag the size of a small wild cat that’s weighing my entire left side down. I don’t even want to know what’s in there, but my water bottle, books, food, makeup, perfume, a brush, a shawl… where does the skateboarder keep his shawl?! It’s not fair!

Plus: The 23 Most Ridiculous Reasons Why Jerry Dumped Someone On “Seinfeld”

They Forget They Just Got Into A Fight With You After 10 Seconds

Anytime I have ever argued with a man, it hasn’t taken long for them to be all buddy buddy with me, while I am thinking, “NO. Shit is still UNCOMFORTABLE. I am TRAUMATIZED. This wound is FRESH.” I don’t mean to act passive aggressive. I just can’t help it. ‘Cause I’m a girly girl girl, I guess.